One Man’s Experience: Meet Rob

As I headed to Arizona for a five-day wilderness adventure in early May, three words occupied my brain: Go for it.

Sitting on the plane during the five-hour flight from Washington, D.C, to Phoenix, I knew that Illuman had presented me with yet another opportunity to grow and deal with the pain of my past.

It would be a chance for 15 of us to mirror each other and to examine how trauma and conflict had shaped us. And the work would be done in a spectacular setting, as we camped among the giant cacti and stars in the Aravaipa Canyon Wilderness.

And so I decided that I would go for it yet again, to take a risk and say yes to the moment, to be my true self.

And that is just what I did.

We all did. It was amazing.

Once again, we showed each other the power of true brotherhood, unity and love. We told our personal stories in daily councils and sang and read poetry around a campfire. We cried, laughed, ate, meditated and drummed together. We reframed our stories and learned to look at some of our life-defining hurts in a new light.

One brother offered a reminder: Many of us are living in the fourth quarter — when the game is on the line, when the winning plays await, when the cheers are the loudest, and when it becomes clear that the score from the first quarter meant nothing.

By supporting each other, we tried to live the advice of Hafiz: to help free those who we come into contact with.

Since becoming part of Illuman in 2024, I’ve gotten a little glimpse of that freedom. I’ve also learned to say yes more and more, and to really go for it.

Why not? Life is short and hard and we’re all going to die anyway, as Richard Rohr reminds us. Why not jump in and make the second half of our lives count a little more than the first half? There’s urgency to this work we are doing together.

I’m still a newcomer and approach it that way.

Two years ago I had never read anything written by Rohr. Today I truly love his ideas, and I’m grateful to be part of this remarkable collection of men and the organization that he created.

The Advanced Council and Mirror Training in Arizona marked my fourth big outing with Illuman.

My first experience came in September of 2024, only five days after I ended my 43-year career. It was a sweet transition into retirement, when 49 of us came together to share our grief and joy at a Men’s Rites of Passage at Shrine Mont in the beautiful hills of Shenandoah (Virginia). Our council of five men has also continued to meet regularly since then.

I also had the opportunity to attend two Awaken national conferences, the 2024 event in Missouri and last year in Virginia.

Illuman is occupying more and more of my time these days.

For the past 18 months, I’ve served as co-convener of a new Illuman council in Washington, D.C.

In September, I’ll be in New Jersey to help out with another MROP for a crop of dozens of newcomers.

And in November, I’ll head to New Mexico for the 2026 convention.

Thank you Illuman —- this was never part of my plan for retirement, but I got lucky.

I’m thinking we all did.

So here’s to new friends and brothers, to a new sense of freedom. And here’s to saying yes to the many new adventures before us, and truly going for it. Why not?

Rob Hotakainen lives in Washington, DC. His email address is rhotakainen@yahoo.com.