Summer 2025 Newsletter
Presentation
In recent days we came to the day in which we celebrate the “Father.”
In my childhood, this entailed spending the day gathering at my parents home with my five sibling’s and later our spouses, and throwing some steaks on the grill, sipping a few beers and opening presents. It was a good day to gather as family and honor my father.
I have been deeply engaged in men’s psycho-spirituality work over the last 30 years. Originally, I was drawn to this after learning about the “heroic male archetypes” of: Lover, Warrior, Magician and King. There was a notable absence of “Kings” in my life; and by this I mean the “Good King.” This set me off on the journey to find some…and hopefully become one myself.
The Good King (and Queen for that matter) are those with both feet on the ground…holding in one hand the Orb symbolizing wholeness and in the other the Staff of Authority symbolizing right vision and action. And then the Crown, bridging heaven and earth, symbolizing mature discernment and wisdom, all representing benevolent ruling on behalf of his subjects. Sadly, there are not many Good Kings in an increasingly autocratic world in which toxic patriarchy seems to be on the rise.
On this journey I have encountered so many men whose souls have a vacant corner that was not filled with the robust love of the good father for which they so wistfully gleaned. In some cases, the father was absent, either through withdrawal due to divorce or abject abandonment, or from an early death. For others their father was present, but it was either a strained relationship, emotional withdrawal or sometimes a psycho-emotionally toxic one, often from substance abuse.
The two terms that come to mind describing most of these situations are:
Father Hunger and Father Wound; often both are present. The difficulties and challenges of growing up basically on one’s own in becoming a mature man without the mentoring, guidance and demonstrable loving attention of the good father, are legion.
It has been notable in my experience with these men however, that those who despite less than ideal upbringing, have found their way to the inner work necessary in becoming a mature man. And they are often, if not usually, those who “Father” others. This certainly is not intuitive and does not usually occur in our Western culture. The more typical observation is: “The sins of the father are passed down through seven generations.” These men have shown me, it does not have to be this way.
While not making a big splash at the Hallmark kiosks, I do believe Father’s Day is also a day to celebrate “Father-ing.” There are those who have not chosen the path of marriage, or the one that births one’s own children. And/but this does not obviate one from being a father to others not their own. This is central to the notion that “It takes a village to raise a child.”
For me, Father’s Day is a day for gathering, either physically or in the camaraderie of common purpose, to celebrate “Fathering”; honoring those who choose to father their own and/or the others whose paths cross our own. All men are called to this path; as it is one in which everyone benefits. May it be so.
We move into the future together, joined shoulder to shoulder on this Journey of Illumination.
--Bill McElroy
Connection & the Journey of Illumination
As I’ve gone through life I realized the importance of connection. As a child our first connection is typically with our mothers, then our fathers and siblings. Hopefully, through our lives we will develop a close friendship or two with whom we can share our closest thoughts and experiences. With the combination of intention, wisdom and a certain amount of good fortune we may even meet someone with whom we will share the rest of our lives.
Prior to writing this I came across these valuable words of wisdom; “Stop measuring days by degree of productivity and start experiencing them by degree of presence.” My entire work career was focused on productivity; how many things I could accomplish, both professionally and at home. In retrospect, I realize there are potentially deep connections that I missed along the way by not being fully present. Spending that time in close connection and relationship with others was much more important than checking off my to-do lists.
A few years ago, I developed a contemplative prayer practice. Over time, I find myself to be much more in tune with my connection with other people that I attribute to being truly present. I’ve been a Eucharistic Minister in my church for 15 years and noticed that I now perform this sacrament with much deeper intention. I feel an incredible sense of empathy and connection as I look into the eyes of those receiving communion.
I find a similar deep connection with older men and woman as well. I feel respect and reverence for what they have experienced in this lifetime and empathy as I watch them experience the health issues and complications that come with aging.
As I go through life, I recognize the need and longing to connect more deeply with other human beings. I also realize that throughout my life I have had very few close male relationships. Illuman has offered me the opportunity to connect with other spiritually like-hearted men in a caring and safe environment. A place that does not focus on achievement or productivity, but more importantly on connection with other men in support of their spiritual growth. As Richard Rohr often states, to grow spirituality we need ongoing human connection and relationship. Through my experience, I have found this to be absolutely true.
--Chester Trocha
Reflections on the Journey of Illumination will continue in our next newsletter.