Now What? Becoming an Elder Who Blesses
By John Ball
In the Episcopal Church, clergy are required to retire at age 72. It doesn’t matter how healthy you are or how much energy you still carry—when that day comes, the role ends.
For me, that moment followed 28 years as rector of Trinity Episcopal Church in St. Mary’s City, Maryland. It was a vibrant, outward-facing parish, alive with engaged people and meaningful ministry. My work with the campus community at St. Mary’s College kept me energized and connected. Simply put, I loved what I did.
So when retirement arrived, it felt less like a transition and more like a rupture. I wasn’t just stepping away from a job—I was stepping away from an identity, a sense of purpose, and a place in the world. And the question that kept rising, quietly at first and then more insistently, was this:
Now what?
What surfaced in those early days was a mix of emotions—sadness, grief, frustration, even anger. But beneath all of it was something deeper: fear. Fear of no longer being relevant. Fear of no longer being needed. Fear of not knowing who I was becoming.
Three days after my retirement became official, I received an email about the Illuman Elder Rites of Passage. I signed up for the September 2022 experience at Ekone Ranch. Looking back, that decision marked a turning point.
I had participated in the Men’s Rites of Passage before, but this experience met me differently. I arrived ready—truly ready—to cross into the next chapter of my life. What I encountered was not something to fix me, but a space that invited honesty. Through teaching, council, and ritual, I began to see more clearly my own patterns: my need to be needed, my attachment to control, my longing for affirmation, and my deep desire to belong to something larger than myself.
Alongside those realizations came a simple but demanding invitation: let go.
Not as resignation, and not as withdrawal—but as a different way of showing up. I began to understand that becoming an elder is not about stepping aside, but about stepping into a different kind of presence—one that is less driven and more generative. An elder who blesses.
The work itself was both simple and demanding. It asked me to engage honestly with aging: to review my life, to acknowledge diminishment, to grieve what has been lost, to reconcile what needed setting down, and to face the reality that I have fewer days ahead than behind. This was not abstract work. It was embodied and real.
At the heart of the experience was a communal weaving ritual. Together, we wove pieces of fabric into a shared tapestry—each thread representing parts of our lives: joy and sorrow, success and failure, the sacred and the ordinary. Nothing was excluded. And in that act, something shifted. What once felt fragmented began to feel whole.
The experience did not end there. It continues through practices that stretch my awareness: listening for the wisdom of those who came before me, attending to the needs of future generations, and asking what is mine to do with the time I have left.
I am still learning. Letting go is not a one-time act but an ongoing practice—one I return to again and again. And yet, in this season, new opportunities have opened in ways I could not have imagined. I have found meaningful ways to serve, including time as an interim priest in a Pan-African parish in Washington, D.C., an experience that has deepened and humbled me.
The Elder Rites of Passage gave me a new lens. It changed how I live, how I lead, and how I understand what it means to be an elder. It also moved me to act—to help bring this work to the East Coast, where it is now taking root and growing.
If you find yourself asking your own version of Now what?—if something in you is ready to shift, to deepen, to let go, and to become—then perhaps this path is worth exploring.
Not because anything in you needs fixing.
But because there is wisdom in you waiting to be claimed—
and a blessing in you waiting to be given.
John Ball lives in Drayden, MD. He is Interim Rector at St. Luke’s Episcopal Church, Washington DC.
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Note to readers: Illuman East Coast Collaborative is offering the Elders’ Weave this year on May 19-23 in Johnsonburg, NJ. The Elder's Weave is the same program as the Elder Rites of Passage. The difference is that the Elders' Weave is for men and women while the Elder Rites of Passage is for men only. Click here for registration details.
